Divorce, a path to happiness

Divorce, a path to happiness

Union petroleum minister S. Jaipal Reddy’s 26-year-old niece Dr Kiran’s tragic murder committed by her husband is a sad wake-up call for people who chose to remain unhappily married.

It is universally acknowledged that getting divorced is like getting heart surgery minus the anesthetic, but after a small painful period, you need to realise that the surgery just saved your life and that the heart is back to being healthy and happy!

Marriage in our country is considered to be a sacred institution that is meant to last forever, but sometimes, just like many things in life, this too doesn’t last. And consider it a good thing if it didn’t, as nothing is more miserable than living unhappily ever after.

Sadly many don’t see this, that’s why vulnerable, confused and hurting spouses (mostly the girls) are advised to remain married even if the partner cheats, beats and treats them shabbily.

“Don’t worry, he will change... Just turn a blind eye... most men are like that...” or, “You have to compromise and adjust...” is the dumb advice that many parents, rich and poor give their kids. Unfortunately many take the above toxic advice and kiss happiness goodbye.

Since marriage is such a delicate thing to begin with, when do you compromise and when do you end it?

To begin with, matrimony isn’t easy as sociologist Prof Daniel David points out, “Marriage is tricky as it places two totally different personalities together and makes them commit to each other forever.” Also, kids do get shattered when their parents split, but living with parents who hate each other is worse. “The relationship works only when both parties are willing to compromise,” says Prof David. Unless both try to work it out, nothing will change. Only one partner can’t be willing.

Divorce again needs to be considered when couples can’t seem to agree on anything anymore and find it difficult to respect each other. “When there is lack of emotional bonding, infidelity becomes a repeated pattern and violence too enters the situation, divorce becomes the solution to end the misery,” says relationship expert Dr Narayan Reddy.

And if one partner is a violent person or a closet homosexual or has a psychiatric problem but refuses to get medical help, then also just pack your bags and walk. Dr Reddy also adds that there is nothing wrong in thinking about ending the relationship when a partner with a sexual disfunction refuses to get help.

It is better to stay independently and enjoy peace of mind than be together and live in misery. The moment romance goes out of the window, there is zero attraction between the couple and they no longer are intimate with each other, then their relationship is heading towards “the beyond repair zone” warns Prof David.

Coming back to poor Kiran’s case, it was reported that she and her husband were sleeping in separate bedrooms. So they were having problems already. And on the fateful night they had an argument as she was reportedly ashamed of his drunken behaviour. This is another sign which advocates divorce.

The fact that you no longer turn towards your partner for comfort, solace and companionship. There is no point in living together and making a mess of your life.